Thursday, March 13, 2008

The many faces of congestion.

I'm continually baffled by congestion. There's so many kinds, how can someone keep them straight? There's the "who snuck in my sinuses and filled them with concrete?" congestion. There's the floodgate of oozing watery mucus. Or the scary kind, when you blow your nose and chunks of strangely colored blobs force you backward. And I've never understood how each nostril seem mutually exclusive sometimes. Lay down on your left side, and the masses hunker down to the left. Lay a finger on your right nostril and close your mouth, and you're asphyxiating yourself. Switch the same finger to your left, and you now breathe freely. And don't get me started on sneezing.
(Sidebar: Sneezing is funny. Everyone has their own version. I'm a furious sneezer; I gear up for it with an arched back and outspread arms, then let it rip in one fell swoop and I'm done. My aunt has dainty sneezes that come out as high-pitched "eh-chew!" spurts, and twenty or thirty later she's free and clear.)
Back to me. I have the irritating kind of congestion right now. My sinuses feel boulder-like, clogged with a fury only Afrin can tame.
(Sidebar: What the hell is Afrin? If you're a fan of nose spray you know what I'm talking about; a couple of squirts in each nostril and you have instant and total relief of the unnatural kind. It doesn't seem right, but I just can't stay away. My brother was addicted to Afrin for several years. He popped a few squirts every half hour, I kid you not. And the generic kind didn't do it for him, it had to be Afrin. Finally he, with the help and support of his girlfriend, weaned himself off. They found a website that taught them how to properly dilute the Afrin in stages so eventually his tolerance would fade back to normal. To this day I don't know what he does about congestion without Afrin.)
Anyway, back to me again. My sinuses are boulders, but it doesn't stop my nose from running. Mind you, it's only the right side; the left is bone dry. And it's the annoying amount of nasal drip where I feel like blowing my nose every 4 minutes. My nosetip is slowly (i.e. every 4 minutes) being ground down to the bone by Kleenex. The tissue could be lotioned with the softness of an angel's ass and it would still feel like a 10-year-old carpet at this point. So I've done what any nose-respecting ill person would do. I've forgone the blowing and just shoved Kleenex up my right nostril and left it there. Erika says it looks like I have half of Wilford Brimley's mustache. I'd like to see how she deals with this kind of congestion.
It's truly a bitch.

10 comments:

Alicia said...

I totally remember you using Afrin in college. Does it still backfire on you the next day? I remember how well it would work ... but if you don't do it the next day, your congestion is like 20 times worse.

Sorry you're plugged, though. That blows. (Ha - see what I did there???)

Anonymous said...

Seriously? Getting through without Afrin? Two words for you. NETI POT. Seriously strange, but seriously....serious. I have not had a major sinus infection in two years and I used to be a chronic sinus infection girl. A little salt water, maybe a couple of drops of tea tree oil added in. I'm a freak, this I know. But hell, it works!! :)

(PS - Found ya through Maggie)

Jenn said...

Alicia: Yeah, still an Afrin junkie. But only at night right before bed, so I'm getting better. They should make a patch if you're trying to quit.

FTM: Neti Pot...never heard of it. Um, where do you put the salt water?
(Thanks for visiting! I'm no Maggie, so I appreciate you wandering over.)

Alicia said...

I'd never heard of the Neti Pot until suddently Oprah plugged it, and then a coworker told me about it, and my doctor suggested it to me while treating me for my allergies/asthma/bronchitis/whatever.

I remain skeptical, because it seems to me like you're inhaling water, which .... no thanks.

Scott said...

The Neti Pot - available at Walgreens and like merchants. Joe swears by it and I no longer lay in bed waiting for the blowing and other noise to start. The Neti Pot has brought peaceful nights to our home - try it - you'll like it!

Jenn said...

Introducing the new spokesman for Neti-Pot...Scott! :)

Thanks for the advice, everyone. I'll try it.

Heather said...

Just drop the Afrin and back up. I am being treated for an Afrin addiction myself.

Anonymous said...

It's true about the Neti Pot. Just in case you needed an eighth opinion. (Fucking Oprah's always copying me.)

Scott said...

Maggie, Damn it - too DAMN funny!! The Neti Pot - wish I could make 1/2 the money that the guy who introduced the contraption on Oprah makes. Until then, I'll continue to sing its praises. Hope you're feeling better, Jenn. Happy Spring, Easter, Vacation - whatever you're celebrating.

Scott said...

Jenn -
Posted an ode to you and the Neti on my blog - check it out.
www.teacheranddad.blogspot.com