The many faces of congestion.

I'm continually baffled by congestion. There's so many kinds, how can someone keep them straight? There's the "who snuck in my sinuses and filled them with concrete?" congestion. There's the floodgate of oozing watery mucus. Or the scary kind, when you blow your nose and chunks of strangely colored blobs force you backward. And I've never understood how each nostril seem mutually exclusive sometimes. Lay down on your left side, and the masses hunker down to the left. Lay a finger on your right nostril and close your mouth, and you're asphyxiating yourself. Switch the same finger to your left, and you now breathe freely. And don't get me started on sneezing.
(Sidebar: Sneezing is funny. Everyone has their own version. I'm a furious sneezer; I gear up for it with an arched back and outspread arms, then let it rip in one fell swoop and I'm done. My aunt has dainty sneezes that come out as high-pitched "eh-chew!" spurts, and twenty or thirty later she's free and clear.)
Back to me. I have the irritating kind of congestion right now. My sinuses feel boulder-like, clogged with a fury only Afrin can tame.
(Sidebar: What the hell is Afrin? If you're a fan of nose spray you know what I'm talking about; a couple of squirts in each nostril and you have instant and total relief of the unnatural kind. It doesn't seem right, but I just can't stay away. My brother was addicted to Afrin for several years. He popped a few squirts every half hour, I kid you not. And the generic kind didn't do it for him, it had to be Afrin. Finally he, with the help and support of his girlfriend, weaned himself off. They found a website that taught them how to properly dilute the Afrin in stages so eventually his tolerance would fade back to normal. To this day I don't know what he does about congestion without Afrin.)
Anyway, back to me again. My sinuses are boulders, but it doesn't stop my nose from running. Mind you, it's only the right side; the left is bone dry. And it's the annoying amount of nasal drip where I feel like blowing my nose every 4 minutes. My nosetip is slowly (i.e. every 4 minutes) being ground down to the bone by Kleenex. The tissue could be lotioned with the softness of an angel's ass and it would still feel like a 10-year-old carpet at this point. So I've done what any nose-respecting ill person would do. I've forgone the blowing and just shoved Kleenex up my right nostril and left it there. Erika says it looks like I have half of Wilford Brimley's mustache. I'd like to see how she deals with this kind of congestion.
It's truly a bitch.