Spot Removal.

The other day (in February) I was vaccuuming. I had some extra time, so I decided to once and for all tackle the high-traffic grayish spot on the carpet that had developed slowly over the course of the last four months. You know, the one for which our leasing company will charge us exactly $536 for creating. I took out our free sample of spot remover that we were given when I accidently got Vaseline on the ottoman and had to call a professional, and I went at it. Voila. Spot gone. (Or at least faded enough that said leasing company won't notice.)

Then it occurred to me--what if we could do that with our bodies? How cool would that be?? I suspect we all have spots that we're unhappy with. For me, the sections fall into three categories:
A. Lookin' good for now but most likely will go downhill if I don't watch it;
2. Tolerable; and
D. Oh my goodness that just isn't right.
Sometimes I envision taking a sharpie to my body and outlining the three sections like a topographic map, just to see where I need to concentrate. I picture a short man with messy hair and round spectacles describing the landscape to an eager note-taking audience.
"Hmm...this ridgeline seems to extend beyond the valley and plateau in the nether regions."
(Hand shoots up)
"Professor, is it common in this type of terrain to see a mound like this fluctuate so freely in size?"
"Good question. A small amount of fluctuation is common, except in this case (uses pointer to poke my belly), the mound seems to only get larger. A unique phenomenon indeed."

Alas, we cannot "spot fix" our bodies. I've tried. I had a killer workout tonight in which I felt strong and svelt in almost every way, and then passed a mirror in my swimsuit and my heart shriveled at the uneasy landscape before me. I can only take comfort in assuming other people out there have their troubled spots too.

You do, don't you?

P.S. The carpet stain is starting to come back. Maybe it'll go away for good if the spot remover is alcohol-based; the same treatment I'm applying to the topographic map of my body.